Expectations

Recently my friend Hannah posted an interesting article, “Rated X for unrealistic expectations”. In it she addresses a few issues from an interesting perspective, I get her point on how porn can influence or distort our expectations (or reality).

I’m not going to lie and say I have never ever seen porn. I have come across it a few times during my life, what is also true though is that I have never paid for it nor consume it regularly. Every time I encounter it was purely unintentional. 

Now did porn changed or distorted my expectations about how my wife would react to me coming out to her? Well no, because I’m talking about my teen years way before I even met her. What it did do for me, was to reinforce my desire to be a woman, how could it not if they looked like they were the ones enjoying it the most. but anyway I’m not going into that subject, what I actually want is to touch on a couple of paragraphs in her article about our partners.

It is very true we usually have unrealistic expectations, and I’m going to speak for myself, although I’m pretty sure this applies to a lot of us just as it does to Hannah. I love my wife immensely, and she accepts or tolerates Blanca because well, she loves me back (I would like to believe immensely too).

I think in a way is like when we buy a car. We really loved that car the instant we saw it at the dealership, everything about it caught our eye. We liked the color, the aesthetic, the interior, that huge touch screen, everything. So we bought it and are deeply in love with the car. But one day we find out that the back seats don’t fold down when we need it for easy access to the trunk. Or that touch screen turned out to be complicated to navigate. So we might think we either get rid of that car and start all over again looking for another one that we like equally as much and doesn’t have those inconveniences or we accept and tolerate them because they are less important than the rest of the things we do like and the overall love we feel for it.

I’m that car my wife really likes and has invested too much already on. There are more important reasons to stay together than to part ways. Being Trans is probably to a way no different than a husband that snores like a semi truck or that forgets especial dates. Those things I’m sure annoy the heck out of a lot of wives but if their love is greater, then they may choose to tolerate those inconveniences. Yeah I know I can’t compare apples to oranges and snoring isn’t comparable at all to using your wife’s panties (which you shouldn’t by the way, get your own), but you get my point right?.

So after all that rambling, what I’m saying is my wife loves me, and she accepts that Blanca is inevitably part of our life now. Keyword, “accepts”. She doesn’t love her, she is not queer, lesbian or bi. She is not thrilled about me buying makeup, heels, panties, etc. but Hannah said it perfectly “she is happy when I am happy, just as I am happy when she is happy”.

If Blanca is such an important and inseparable part of me, she is willing to make the effort to keep me happy and our relationship strong and healthy. Accepting me as I am shows me just how much she cares and loves me. And no, she’s not sacrificing herself either. She has made that perfectly clear to me multiple times.

Quite frankly I don’t expect her to do anything more than what she already does, I don’t need her to get involved with Blanca anymore that she’s comfortable with, or having her help me out with my makeovers, or to sit down with me while in femme for a girl talk and a cup of coffee. I mean think about it for a minute, if the roles were reversed, If we were silverback alpha males, not gay, not Trans, men straight as an arrow and one day that beautiful wife of ours comes to us and says, there’s something I need to tell you, I’m a Trans Man. She starts using boxers, baggy jeans and loose t-shirts, she might want to start HRT and grow a mustache and a beard, she wants to remove her breasts and possibly get a reconstructive surgery down there to get, well, you know. What would our reaction be? Keep in mind that whatever we think we are entitled to, deserve or are expecting others to tolerate, accept and understand of us being Trans, is the same she would expect from us if it were the other way around. Would we be as understanding? and don’t think about it from our current reality because that’s easy, of course we will because we know what it feels to not be understood or accepted. Think about it in a pure masculine way. I’m willing to bet we wouldn’t be so supportive. Losing your beautiful wife for a hairy dude? Men simply aren’t that way.

Unless we married a woman that had been also hiding her gender non conforming tendencies and it’s thrilled about us coming out to her so she comes out to us too and both live happily ever after. Or before we get married we are totally honest to her (which it’s the right way it should be done) and it turns out she is totally fine with it since the beginning, before she has invested on us. Then, those expectations and ideal scenario we might be dreaming of where the wife jumps out of joy the moment we come out to her and she immediately starts hitting the stores and beauty salons with us, I’m afraid their totally unrealistic and very improbable.