Mixed feelings

I really love movies. I grew up with classics like Star Wars, E.T., Jaws, and Ghostbusters, alongside TV series like Diff'rent Strokes, The Wonder Years, and Knight Rider. After all, to me, they are simply another art form. Many creative minds, writers, set designers, wardrobe stylists, makeup artists, practical effects wizards, and computer graphics animators, all converging on a single project that sometimes results in an absolute masterpiece.

But just like any other art form, it is completely subjective. You might love a piece or you might hate it, just as you might appreciate a Picasso or think his work is ugly and looks like it was painted by a five year old. (Although, not all of his work looks like that, look it up, he has some amazingly detailed paintings).

Given that brief list of favorites, it’s pretty obvious I grew up in the ’80s and back then, things weren’t very good for us trans folks, to put it lightly. Naturally, that reflected in how we were portrayed on screen. We were the joke, the punchline, the characters meant to be ridiculed and to a certain extent, we still are, but it was never worse than during the ’80s, ’90s, and early ’00s. There is a very good documentary called "Disclosure: Trans Lives on Screen" that explores this exact subject. Every single person interviewed in it is a trans man or a trans woman, and I highly recommend it.

Ironically, though, that same era was also when a lot of truly great and memorable movies and series were made. Now here’s where I finally address the title of this post, and the mixed feelings I harbor about some of the films or series that poke fun at people like me. There, I said it.

On one hand, I’m pissed off. Being portrayed that way doesn’t help change public perception or foster acceptance, so we just remain as a target for people to laugh at. On the other hand, you can’t always judge an entire artistic project based solely on one scene, one character, or a single plot point and write the whole thing off as bad. A lot of talented people probably poured their hearts into those projects, and that effort still shines through.

Don't get me wrong, I am entirely against people like me being treated that way in the media (or anywhere else, for that matter). But I can also look back, understand the era in which a piece was made, and recognize the societal influences of the time. I can compartmentalize the part that offends me directly and still appreciate the rest of the work done.

While those kinds of movies are obviously far from masterpieces, they can still be good in other aspects like the wardrobe, the acting, or simply because they are stupidly funny. I’m probably going to hit a nerve here, but a prime example is 1994’s "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective". You might be thinking, Oh my gosh, that is the most transphobic movie of all time. And you’re probably right; I won’t argue that it depicts us trans people as disgusting freaks.

But how many of us watched it for the first time, laughing our heads off and genuinely enjoying the movie, right up until the plot started twisting in that direction? For many, that was a total 180 degree turn from liking the movie to hating it, I get it. A huge part of me also gets furious, but again, I also understand where it’s coming from and the specific type of absurd humor the movie relies on, I mean, Jim Carrey should be hint enough.

So yes, I have mixed feelings about that movie. I’m definitely not saying I love it or that it’s my favorite, of course not, but I can watch it and laugh at the other jokes, even if I feel insulted by the climax. In a way, it’s like watching a video of someone falling. It makes us laugh, but if we were the ones who slipped and ended up being mocked, we’d be pissed too.

Interestingly, I actually tend to seek out movies or series where a trans or crossdressing character appears, even when I know exactly what their purpose most likely is. Movies like "Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead", "Tango & Cash", "Ace Ventura", or even "The Naked Gun 33 1/3".

Why? Well, for one thing, even though those characters are portrayed in an unflattering light, I feel a sense of identification. It makes me think, dream, and believe in what is possible for myself. For example, in "The Naked Gun", the character played by the late Anna Nicole Smith turns out to be a trans woman (spoiler), and it's revealed in a very unsubtle way.

I was about 16 or 17 at the time, and my reaction wasn’t anger, discomfort, or shutting off the TV and saying I hate this movie cause it made fun of Trans people like me. My reaction was more like, Wow! Imagine how incredible it would be to be trans and look like Anna Nicole Smith. The same for Ace Ventura, how amazing would it be to look like Sean Young?

I wanted to be like those "trans women." (I knew both actresses were cis women, of course, but I mean their characters). They looked beautiful, they sounded beautiful, and they were seen and treated like any other woman by the characters around them, at least until the unfortunate reveals, but you see my point, right?

Another reason is that I simply enjoy dumb humor. My wife absolutely hates it and rolls her eyes at it, but if I want to completely disconnect from reality and escape the problems and concerns saturating my mind, movies like "Airplane", "Hot Shots", or the infamous "Ace Ventura" do the job.

Like I said at the beginning, art in any form you experience it, is entirely subjective. Just because a specific style, painting, play, or movie provokes strong negative feelings in us doesn't mean it holds no value. What I’m trying to say is that you can still admire Caravaggio’s painting Judith Beheading Holofernes, for example, even if you are strongly against murder.