Body hair

Is there anything in this world more annoying, tedious, and utterly useless than body hair? Look, I get it, there was a time in our evolutionary history where humans genuinely needed it to survive the elements. But haven’t we evolved enough by now to finally move past this? There is absolutely zero practical need for a hairy torso in modern times. Or is there? I suppose we'll just have to wait a few more centuries for evolution to do its thing and make it disappear on its own. Until then, we are destined to battle it one way or another.

Before coming out, I had only shaved my legs exactly once in my entire life. It was during my college days, right at the start of the fall semester. I calculated the timeline perfectly, I knew I’d be wearing long pants all winter, and I wasn’t planning on going back home to visit family until spring. That gave me a safe window for a full regrow.

As soon as the semester started, I executed the plan. Now, I’ve never been a naturally Sasquatch level hairy person, but I still had kinda standard issue guy legs. Once I finished shaving, I was in absolute awe. The feeling of smooth, hairless, feminine skin was incredible. To top it off, I had bought a pair of pantyhose, and… OMG!. The sensation of smooth legs inside nylon was indescribable.

Yet, as much as I loved it, the fear of getting caught was real. It might be hard to believe, but I didn’t shave anything below my face ever again until the day I finally came out to my wife. Once the secret was out, at the very first opportunity, I bought a bottle of Nair and went to town, slathering it everywhere. And I mean everywhere I could physically reach. For a while, I alternated between Nair and standard shaving.

The problem, though, is that I have incredibly sensitive skin. I can’t shave daily without looking like a rash covered scene, and that goes for my face too. Desperate for a longer lasting solution, I decided to give waxing a try. Big mistake. It was messy, painfully complicated, and the results were a total letdown. I know I might not have done it correctly but still. So, naturally, I pivoted to another method… plucking. Yes, I sat there and plucked my legs hair, one by one.

Was it painful? Yes a little, but in my mind, the reward justified the torture because I could actually go nearly a week without stubble. The drawbacks? It was excruciatingly time consuming. It was practically impossible to finish both legs in a single evening, let alone reach the back of my thighs. By the time I finished a session, my legs looked like they had been attacked by a colony of angry ants, just red, swollen dots from hip to ankle.

Realizing I couldn't spend my entire life doing the job with just a pair of tweezers, I upgraded to an electric epilator. It offered the exact same benefits and drawbacks as plucking by hand, meaning it still felt like mini lightning bolts ripping out my soul at a faster speed, but it was way more time efficient and made reaching the back of my legs significantly easier.

Eventually, my wife just couldn’t bear to watch me torturing myself every single weekend. Taking pity on me, she generously gifted me a professional laser hair removal treatment. Do you want to know how that experience went? Well, I’ll tell you all about it in my next post.

I swear I didn't plan this as a dramatic cliffhanger! I just realized that if I continue on that subject right now, this post will become extremely lengthy.