The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I love femininity. There is absolutely no doubt about it. Everything about being feminine is so wonderful that if it were entirely up to me, I would spend most of the time as Blanca, "crossdressing" as my male self only on sporadic occasions.

Now, having said that, there are quite a few things about being femme that... well, how can I put it? They aren’t exactly appealing. "Unappealing" might be the wrong word, because well, everything femme is really appealing. But let’s be real, being feminine is hard work, and comfort is definitely not entirely part of the package most times. You know exactly what I mean, right?

Hardly anyone talks about this. At least, I haven't stumbled across many blogs or videos where someone frankly admits, "This is the stuff that I genuinely find complicated about being a woman". I’ve seen content comparing their previous life as a male to their current life as a female, but that’s not exactly what I’m about to start rambling about.

Now I’ll admit I don’t have decades of experience, in fact I'm still relatively new to fully expressing my true self as a woman. But in these few years, I’ve done it enough times to discover some of the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of getting all dolled up.

Right, so let’s break it down starting with:

1. Underwear

For over 40 years, I wore men’s underwear. When I was a kid, my mother bought me those classic, ugly white undies. You know the ones, Yep like those used by Walter White.  I hated them even then, so as soon as I could choose my own, I started getting boxers in my teens. And recently came panties.

• The Good: Going from bulky, bunching cotton boxers to soft, light, almost invisible satin panties was an out of world experience. Pants suddenly fitted and felt entirely different in the most awesome way. I felt lighter, fresher, and instantly more aligned.

• The Bad: Well, let’s start with the obvious, women's clothing is not designed with male anatomy in mind. (Yes I know there are specially designed undergarments for women like us now, but I’m not talking about those few). Because of this, more often than not things don't always fit perfectly, and you constantly have to deal with certain things going rogue down there. Also, after a lifetime of boxers covering everything from my thighs to my waist, experiencing the sensation of panties initially felt like wearing nothing at all. Oh, and depending on the style, some cuts have a tendency to gradually migrate right between the butt cheeks. It is an unsettling feeling at the beginning until you get used to it. (And let's not even bring thongs into the conversation).

• The Ugly: Honestly? I don’t think there is anything ugly about women’s underwear. Quite the contrary, it’s beautiful, varied, and wonderful. I would actually give the "ugly" adjective to men's underwear. Atrocious!

Ok let’s move on from undies and let’s start from top to bottom with the rest beginning with:

2. Wigs

• The Good: A high quality wig does absolute wonders. It can instantly, sometimes even before you’ve applied a single drop of makeup, transform your face into a feminine looking one. Extremely validating.

• The Bad: They are a total nightmare to care for, and making them look natural takes serious effort. Unless you invest in a high quality lace front, glue it down, and do the whole procedure. If you’re dealing with a cheap cap then it might shift around and refuse to style correctly.

• The Ugly: A high quality wig can be really expensive. On top of that, all wigs make your scalp itchy, and depending on the weather, they become head ovens, making you sweat more and absolutely nobody wants sweat ruining their freshly blended makeup.

Talking about makeup and moving down the line:

3. Makeup

• The Good: If a wig transforms your face, well, makeup does the heavy lifting. There is no complete transformation without it. It ultimately brings out the woman in each of us, making us feel beautiful, aligned, powerful and well, really feminine.

• The Bad: It is insanely difficult to apply correctly. It takes a lot of precision, time, patience, and practice to get it right. And sometimes, your best efforts still might not be enough, meaning you have to pay a professional to do it, which brings us to...

• The Ugly: Makeup is expensive. Worst if you start considering certain high end brands and all the accessories needed. Once it’s on, you have to constantly keep an eye on it to avoid smudges, creases, or sweat from ruining it. And, at least for me, the exact second my face is fully done, my skin decides it is the perfect time to become itchy. No, not like having an allergic reaction, but I might feel the urge to scratch my nose. In male mode, I just scratch my nose and move on. En femme, it’s not that simple, scratching my nose means wiping and ruining my makeup. I have to find all sorts of creative, methods just to soothe the itch without ruining my face. Let’s also not forget the tragedy of having to blow your nose and realizing half your makeup is now on the tissue.

Continuing down:

4. The Body & Clothes

• The Good: Looking in the mirror and seeing a more feminine silhouette reflected back at you is an amazing feeling. Of course that silhouette doesn’t come naturally, for that, the implementation of shapewear is essential. And let’s not leave aside the clothes! I don’t even need to describe the beautiful, powerful, liberating feeling of a dress, a skirt, leggings, or pantyhose. Female clothing is what we crave, it's what we live for. So yeah, wonderful, amazing, beautiful, spectacular, sexy, whichever way you want to describe it.

• The Bad: I had absolutely no clue that a lot of women's clothing could be so uncomfortable. I mean, keep in mind, I spent 40+ years in loose men's clothing. Men's style is not designed to hug the body, squeeze certain parts, and highlight others. Being a bit on the overweight side, I always preferred baggy jeans and loose t-shirts to hide my belly. With female clothes, that privilege is nonexistent. Sure, loose women's clothes exist, but let’s get real, who wants to dress in female clothes that are not, well, that feminine at all? to change out of baggy male jeans just to put on baggy female jeans? It defeats the purpose! Female fashion almost forces you to be in shape, or face a very unflattering reality check in the mirror.

• The Ugly: Well, I guess the physical pain. You shouldn’t be wearing clothes that make you feel pain in any way, but what I mean is that after a few hours for example, a corset goes from "snatched hourglass" to "internal organ crusher," or bra straps start digging into your shoulders like piano wire. After a while you are more than happy to take it all off.

Before finally moving to the feet, let me touch upon:

5. Hands (Nails)

• The Good: Long, painted nails are ultra feminine. They look gorgeous and almost effortlessly force you to move and use your hands in a graceful, dainty manner.

• The Bad: Press-on nails are easy and look great, but they don’t last long. If you aren't incredibly careful, you'll be losing nails left and right. If you grow your own nails, you have to deal with polish, it seems simple enough, but it isn’t. If you use slow drying polish, you need the patience of a saint to sit perfectly still so you don't smudge them. If you use fast-drying polish, you have to work at lightning speed, which usually results in a messier result.

• The Ugly: I guess everyone with long nails have experience the frustration of operating a smartphone. Texting becomes a challenge, and grabbing small objects makes you feel like a toddler learning how to use your hands for the first time. And you also have to be extremely cautious not to accidentally scratch yourself.

Ok and finally:

6. Shoes

• The Good: What is there not to love about heels? They are beautiful, colorful, empowering, and make your legs look fantastic.

• The Bad: You better start with baby steps working your way up heel sizes if you don’t want to risk falling and possibly hurting your ankles or worse. Unless you stick to flats or low shoes, women’s heels are easily the most painful, torturous objects of every woman’s outfit

• The Ugly: Walking in heels is a full body workout. After a little while, every single muscle in your calves, knees, and lower back is screaming at you to sit down, and all you can think of is getting those damn shoes off. The next day, you will be sore in places you didn't know existed. Of course the more you use high heels the more used you’ll get to them and the less this would be a concerning factor.

Well, after all that I just wrote and “complained” about, would I ever pass up the opportunity to dress up? Absolutely not. Never.

If anything, this journey has given me a profound appreciation for cis women. I completely understand now why so many can’t wait to rip their bras off the second they walk through the front door of their house, or why they kick their heels off under the table or at any opportunity they get.

I get why they often choose comfort over glamour. Being femme could have all the inconveniences I just mentioned and more, but despite all that... it is still, without a doubt, the most beautiful, wonderful, and fulfilling experience in the whole wide world.

Yikes, this might be my longest post yet! (At least in one single part) If you made it to the end, your patience is as impressive as a perfectly applied winged eyeliner.