The Wife’s side of the story

One of the things I most wanted to find before and after coming out, was information about the partners of crossdressers and trans women. Not articles written from our perspective about how our wives reacted, but genuine, unfiltered words straight from the wives, girlfriends, and partners themselves.

I think that perspective is a crucial missing piece out there. It’s information that is not only profoundly valuable for us, but potentially extremely helpful for our partners.

I’m sure so many partners out there are desperate to understand this other side of the person they love. They want to know the whys and the hows. But above all, I think they just need to know they aren't alone, that this is far more common than society leads us to believe, and that plenty of couples have successfully navigated these uncharted waters together successfully.

Among the precious few resources I ever stumbled across was an article written by my friend’s partner titled “Ask Hannah’s Wife.” It is a beautiful piece straight from her heart, and it shows just how powerful that perspective can be.

Unfortunately, very few partners are willing or able to share their journeys. Some might feel ashamed, others might fear societal judgment, and others like my own wife. simply don't know where to begin or how to put such complex emotions into words.

I completely get it. It’s not easy to write publicly about a topic you’re still trying to understand yourself. It’s even scarier when you're terrified of being judged, or worried about inadvertently saying the wrong thing and offending an entire community.

There are a lot of things my wife would like to know and learn about gender dysphoria, crossdressing, and transgender identity, mostly because, well, me. But she often doesn't know where to look. She’s rightfully hesitant to blindly search the web, where she risks running into hyper-sexualized content, graphic pornography, or hostile forums instead of gentle, helpful answers.

While we could certainly help them out with that, I think they also want the independence to explore on their own time and on their own terms. But when they face those potential obstacles, that initial willingness to learn can start to fade, leaving them to settle for the little bit of information they know or what we give them.

So, what do you do when the information you desperately need doesn't exist? In my opinion, you create it yourself. After all, a little bit of something is better than nothing.

A while back, I asked my wife if she’d ever be open to sharing her side of our story, how she felt during my confession, what her biggest worries were, and how she feels my coming out has impacted our relationship.

She immediately said yes, but, like I mentioned, her agreement didn’t come without her fair share of doubts and worries. But because she recognized how important her contribution could be for someone else, she jumped on board.

I made sure to respect her own time and process and never pressured her to start writing. I didn't bring it up again, choosing instead to wait until she felt ready. Then, a few days ago she walked up to me and said: "I want you to help me write my first entry for your blog."

And that’s exactly what we did. I cannot even express how much I appreciate her courage and willingness to help, not just for people like us, but for partners like her who suddenly find themselves in the dark, trying to process a life altering revelation.

My hope is that this becomes an ongoing conversation on the blog rather than just a one time post. But again, I will put no pressure on her. Whenever she feels inspired to write another installment, I will more than gladly share the space.

So, with all of that said, her very first article will drop this coming Thursday.

If there is anything specific you’d like her to address in future posts, please leave a comment and let us know! She struggled quite a bit to figure out how to get the wheels turning for this first piece, so let’s give her a warm welcome and help keep that momentum going, for our benefit, but most importantly, for the amazing partners supporting us.